(to M.) Among the identity mechanisms on the list, is there one that particularly speaks to you?
Maybe pride, vanity.
Does arrogance speak to you as well? It’s best to start with an example to understand what these words mean to you.
Yes. Sometimes, I feel superior to others and it shows in the way they bore me. Interactions with others quickly become tiresome for me and I can sometimes brush them off, even if I don’t always realize it.
Is there a judgment of others?
Yes. And I feel a tension within myself. These past few weeks, I’ve been trying to observe it more and not express it, even if I still feel it. Arrogance also shows in the fact that I’m very curious, I try to thoroughly research a subject and if I believe in something, I go all in headfirst. It’s as if it becomes the truth for me and as a result, I perceive everything else as inferior, even if I don’t necessarily try to impose my point of view. For example, I do organic gardening and had all my vegetables eaten by voles, but despite that, I look down on those who use Roundup and similar methods that I judge as archaic.
The example you just gave is the very definition of intellectual pretension. I have better information than others and I’m going to impose my point of view.
No, I don’t try to impose my point of view. It’s more underhanded, through snickering for example. I can be quite crafty and it would express itself more that way. It probably also comes from my family environment with my grandparents who are very religious, very rigid. My grandfather believes he knows a lot about life after death for example.
So, it seems there’s a feeling of superiority throughout the family.
Yes, but especially among the men. The women are submissive, they’re rather dependent on men.
That means you grew up in an environment that feels superior, kind of like nobles compared to non-nobles, even though in your case, it’s not exactly that. It’s sort of in this spirit that you grew up.
Yes, because it’s a small religious branch that’s convinced they know better than others. And my father, in trying to escape this environment, reproduced the same thing by joining a Gurdjieff group. And maybe I did the same thing on my side.
No.
Maybe not exactly, but there’s this impulse and this searching, perhaps with less blindness.
No, but I think it’s necessary for you to completely detach yourself from this ideology.
Regarding my grandparents’ ideology, I’m completely detached from it. My father doesn’t talk about it, he’s very secretive. But there’s a marked spirit of superiority in the family. Even if on the surface, my grandfather might appear very humble, in the background, there’s pride and something he won’t let go of. And when I put less pressure on myself, when I let myself go without judging myself, without having a grip on my character, sometimes I observe mechanisms of pretension; I try not to take myself too seriously or judge myself about it.
Not to believe in it. I mean, not to believe in the reality of this pretension, so that you don’t sink further into it.
No, definitely not, because if I go down that path, it’s hell for me. It’s unbearable.
So if I understand correctly, you’re well equipped to outwit this pattern. You don’t believe in it, even if sometimes there are triggers of this mechanism, but you don’t go all in. Is that right?
Yes. But my father taught me to be proud and arrogant because otherwise, I was nothing. Sometimes, there’s frustration being with people, old friends for example, and seeing the mediocrity of their behavior around me. And then, I feel surges of this pretension.
It’s sometimes hard to accept people’s mediocrity, because it is real.
It’s more a question of posture in relation to that. When you’re building yourself, you have to take a position and that’s where I built this character who was searching for something superior. And I wasn’t at all on the same wavelength as my friends who were content with alcohol, drugs, and negativity.
And can we say that identity, at its core, is a pretentious mechanism?
Yes, I think so. Identity in general? Yes. Whatever the pretension and however it expresses itself, I think it’s a pretension, a certain pride, a certain affirmation of the elusive, or something like that. I don’t know if that resonates with you.
That’s interesting.
It’s nothingness trying to pass into posterity. That’s how I feel it in spirit.
I am, therefore I pretend.
It’s the only option. I want to build my identity, but not be content with an intrinsic personality, already given, as if by default. That’s how I see it. Identity is a wrong path.
That means a child learns to pretend. It’s the main learning.
And that’s where it can become heavy.
It depends on how far you adhere to it
Yes, that’s it.
So we can say that pretension is at the foundation of identity.
There are several definitions for pretension. The first: “Claiming the exercise of a right over something. Example: A prince maintaining his claims to the throne”. The second will speak to us more: “The act of asserting, more or less presumptuously, an advantage. Example: A pretension to elegance”.
Aren’t these two definitions the main features of every ego?
Yes, in the sense that ego is a pretension. We pretend that we are.
That’s what is verified with these definitions.
The third: “Attitude of someone based on an overly advantageous opinion they have of themselves”.
This definition also works for identity.
Yes, but it’s not neutral. Someone who is rather crushed, modest, when they see the word pretension, they think it doesn’t concern them.
No, I disagree. If they are honest, sincere with themselves, they recognize that their crushed state and their miserabilism are also part of their ego.
There’s a fourth definition: “That which in something reflects the desire to show a certain superiority. Example, furniture full of pretensions.”
That’s perfect for the ego. It thinks it’s God. For me, it corresponds perfectly.
First of all, the ego pretends to exist. What could be worse than that?
But when you say, I pretend to exist, it’s relatively neutral. There’s no good-bad value judgment in it. There’s just an illusion, whereas in all the definitions we’ve seen, there was a notion of “I pretend to be better than.”
Yes, better than nothing.
You could also say, I pretend to be different from nothing, and there, there wouldn’t be the “better than” and yet, I wouldn’t be in nothingness either. I would be in neutrality.
No, because in reality, as W. said, you pretend to be God. We shouldn’t say it like that because the word “God” is too loaded with meaning. But you pretend to be better than nothing, that’s very clear.
Let’s look at the synonyms for pretension.
The synonyms: arrogance, emptiness, infatuation, presumption, self-importance, and vanity. The antonyms: modesty, simplicity, humility.
I would stick with the word pretension. And I wonder if we can’t use the word “impostor” for the imposture of the ego.